MommyBlog

Book Review: Everyone is Beautiful, by Katherine Center, published by Ballantine Books, 2009

Available in hardback February 17.

For any mom who has ever found herself on day two of going shower-less; who has ever accidentally flashed her nursing bra in public; who has ever wondered for a second too long why the kids were so quiet, and found them swimming in shaving cream in the bathtub; who has ever wondered how many years until the kids stay quiet long enough for her to have a real and meaningful conversation with her husband; who has ever wondered if that husband and you can ever even look at each other with passion again, this one is for you.

Everyone is Beautiful, the second novel by Katherine Center (whose debut, The Bright Side of Disaster, was reviewed here last Spring) is at once lovely, heartbreaking and hopeful.  The story follows Lanie, a mom of three boys under four, and her family as they move across country to follow her musician husband’s dream of graduate school.  Moving is stressful enough, but when, on her first day in town, she is asked by another mom at the playground, “When are you due?” Lanie is shocked into a realization that she is no longer the woman her husband married.  Not just in pounds, but in dreams and ambition; she startles to find that all of the things that once defined her have fallen by the wayside and been replaced with diapers, boogers and a two-year-old whose favorite playmate is his “noodle.”

The novel follows a charming sequence of alternating chapters: first the present day, then a slice of her college days of meeting and falling in love with her husband, then back again to her maddening and often mundane world of child-wrangling.  Armed with the memories of who she once was, she resolves to change her life.  She sets on a path, first just to get back in shape, and ends up unleashing the artist inside her.  I don’t want to spoil any of the suspense that kept me up reading all night, but suffice to say that the ”self improvement project” she embarks on has some unexpected effects on her relationship with her husband.

The thing I appreciated most about this book was the love story between Lanie and her husband.  There is a scene where Lanie shows up at the gym where her husband is working out on the treadmill, and she is so self conscious of him seeing her baggy and sweaty in the land of lycra-clad nymphs, that she purposely picks a spot where he won’t see her, and then spends the hour staring at him, admiring him, and praying that he won’t turn around and catch her.  It’s such a unique, yet achingly real moment for a wife.  On the one hand, you let this guy you married see you in sweats and oily hair at the end of an exhausting day with the kids, and on the other, you remember that you were once pursued by him and had a romantic relationship with him, and you are terrified that he might actually look at you and be embarrassed by what he sees. 

In another chapter, the family is invited over to a friend’s house for dinner, and as Lanie listens to the other wife asking her husband questions about his music and career, she is stunned to find that she never once thought to ask him those questions herself; that in the space of a pre-dinner cocktail, she learns more about her husband’s aspiring career than she has in the last five years.   She is embarrassed and curious at the same time, wondering what else about him she may have never thought to ask about.  I actually got a little knot in my stomach in that scene - have I asked my husband any questions today besides “When do you want dinner ready?” and “Can you change Cooper’s poop?”

I have only one tiny gripe with this otherwise fantastic book, and that is the occasional foul language.  Longtime readers of this blog know that it’s a pet-peeve of mine.  Though even I have to admit that Center’s use of “the f-word” made me laugh once or twice, most notably in the scene where Lanie asks her landlord that if he really feels the need to use the word, to at least spell it out, for goodness sakes, in front of the kids.

There is something truly special about Katherine Center’s writing.  Regardless of how many personal traits I may or may not have in common with her leading ladies, in both of her novels to date, I have had the distinct feeling that she is writing me.  The feelings and emotions in her books are so tangible, so authentic.  The theme of “losing yourself” when kids come along is one that every woman - especially a stay at home mom - struggles with, and Everyone is Beautiful embraces it and then tackles it; you find yourself not only cheering Lanie on, but wondering where exactly it was that you left your own streak of Who I Am.  This book will inspire you to get up and get moving and remember all those little parts of you that still exist beneath the Mommy banner.

In fact, after you finish reading it, you might feel just a little bit beautiful, too.

I had no idea how many pro-tummy moms I’d hear from!  Thanks to all for the comments and emails about the blissful life of the tummy-sleeping-baby.  Cooper has found his niche.

We did hit a bump in the “cry yourself to sleep” road, though, as right after I wrote the last post, he came down with an awful cold / virus and sported his first ever fever - 101.6.  He was sleepless, napless, and spent the better part of the day wailing.  He is much better today (thank goodness!) and actually slept for 10 hours straight last night, once his fever broke.  Casey and I had an early morning meeting to go to together today, and I actually had to wake the bugger up to nurse him before I left.

Now the baby Boo is napping (after a little screeching - but hey - he fell asleep on his own! and it’s been nearly two hours!) and Kenny is having some “quiet time” in the living room… he’s coloring pictures and listening to Abba on the IPod.  Is there anything cuter than that??  Of course, “quiet time” to Kenny usually entails him calling to me every three minutes: “Mama?  Is my quiet time over yet?  It’s taking a really long time.”

I decided to celebrate my own quiet time today by not folding laundry and instead did something more interesting and enriching.  I spent fifteen minutes surfing on Ebay.  I even bid on an awesome pair of designer jeans.  After all… I need something to jet around the house in, right?  Real Housewives of …the Chesapeake Bay?  Ha.  Ha, ha.

Hm.  I hear a baby calling my name… “WAAAAAAAAAA….”

So it turns out that Cooper did’t really “need” to be swaddled to sleep.  In fact, all this time he’s been begging us to set him free… and let him sleep on his tummy.  For three days now, he’s napped like a champ - falling asleep on his own after only a little crying, and has slept much better at night, waking only close to 5 to nurse and then sleep until 8.  He’s been waking up happy, too.  Whew.  What a difference a few days makes!

I am a little nervous about the tummy thing, still.  I know that he can roll himself over if he needs too, but the “back to sleep” mantra keeps drilling in my head.  The extra time and sleep I’ve been getting, though, has nearly wiped the nerves away.

I’m interested: are there any medical folks who read this blog?  Doctors, PAs or Nurses who’d like to give some input?  I’ve been reading about baby sleep positioning and SIDs nonstop, and the general consensus seems to be that “back is best” but that after 6 months, many babies roll onto their tummies anyway to sleep.

So what else is new this year?  Well, for those out there who have been long-time readers of MommyBlog, I have commissioned the artist who drew the funny cartoon at the top banner of me watering a “Kenny Tree” to draw up a new cartoon of the whole family.  It should be appearing sometime near the end of the month.   And Casey, ever the business genious, is working to expand MommyBlog to become a portal for readers to start their own blogs.  That should be developing (hopefully) by MommyBlog’s 3rd birthday in June.

I am also in the process of revising my blog roll - I’ve never had many blogs on there to begin with - just a few of my friends - and I’m looking for some new blogs to sink my teeth into.  I don’t have time to read too many, so I like to find a few hearty ones to really get to know.  And though a read many blogs here and there, I tend to only blog roll the ones I read on a very regular basis.  If you have a favorite blog - or if you write one - please send me a link!   Though I can’t add them all to the list, I’d love to check yours out!  (a post script to that: on general principle, I won’t add any blogs that use foul language !)

On a more personal note, for those who have been following our move - then move back - to and from Atlanta, we are contemplating another move - this one about 17 miles from our current home - into the historic district of town.  We have put in an offer on a house, which was haughtily countered, and are in negotiations to meet at a happy sales price.  We purposely didn’t unpack about 50% of the boxes from our October move, hoping to find an historic home, so this move should go much smoother.  The timeline is a little sketchy, but if all goes well, expect to hear much more about this change of pace for our family.  We currently live in a medium sized house with a large yard on the water, and this move would take us to a spot with a about 3/4 the square footage, no yard (except a token patch of grass for Dudley to pee in), and a city address.  That alone will lend for some interesting writing!

So much to look forward to in 2009!

Two nights ago, Cooper had his worst night.  Ever.

He did get his six-month vaccines that day - a whopping 4 shots and an oral suspension.  His doctor told me to keep him on Tylenol, and expect him to be feverish and cranky.  Oh, had I had an inkling of what the Mini Coop would do with that vertical, I would have taken a nap.

Casey and I started the evening by going out with one of his business associated and his wife.   We left the boys at my parent’s house, and returned home at 11PM, stuffed to the gills and informed that Cooper had hardly slept a wink.  But I thought, he’s down now, so surely the fatigue will over take him, and we’ll have a nice night’s sleep.  Right.  He was up at 1AM, and never went down again.  I nursed him, Casey and I took turns rocking him, we sang, bounced, prayed and swung.  Finally at 3 I headed to my parent’s living room and sat in the lazy chair for the rest of the night, soothing him to sleep each time he squirmed.   Finally at 6:30, I handed him over to Casey and managed a short snooze,  but Oh, what a way to start New Year’s Eve!

We scratched our plans to party at our hometown’s “First Night” and instead headed out to see only our 2nd movie of 2008 - The Curious Case of Benjamin Button.  It was really quite good, even with a nearly 3 hour running time.  The last ten minutes were so heartbreaking, though, Casey and I went skipped a celebratory drink and went home instead to hug our boys.  Good thing, too, because Cooper had another rough one - waking at 1 for 40 minutes, then at 4 for over an hour, then at 7 for good. 

So today begins not only a new day, but a new year.  I have decided to stop swaddling Cooper - the only way he’s ever slept - and also to stop rocking him to sleep, cold turkey.  Instead today, I put him down for both naps alone in his crib on his tummy, with only his little lovey, and within 25 minutes for the first and 15 for the second, he was sound asleep.  Ah.  Tonight will be the real test - seeing how well he lasts through the night.  I’m not comfortable putting him on his tummy yet for the night - it’s one thing to be able to watch him like a hawk on the video monitor for a nap, but quite another to leave him like that all night while I’m asleep myself.  But he’s had such bad nights this week, it certainly can’t get any worse.

Can I hear an Amen?  Seriously, though, I’m a fervent follower of the “back to sleep” advice for infants,  I remember that Kenny started rolling onto his own tummy around 7 months, and we’d always flip him over when we went into check him.  Cooper can roll over himself now, so I would think that sleeping on his tummy is no longer an issue… Any opinions out there?

And, Happy New Year!!

“The boys” and I decided to come visit my parents for a few days… funny because they only live 45 minutes away!  But we never get to spend much time with them.. it seems that all our visits are for a single afternoon, or for dinner, whereas we see Casey’s parents for entire weeks at a time.  So here we are.  And browsing on their computer, I found some funny photos of us from Christmas day:

Casey, Cooper, Dudley and I fell sound asleep on the couch after several plates of food and as many glasses of wine…  This amid Kenny and his cousins running wild with Kenny’s new remote control car just feet away from where we are sleeping!  The fact that I am actually asleep with Casey’s foot so close to my nose is the real miracle…

In my mom’s determination to get only the grandkids in the picture, she made me squat behind the dining room chair and hold Cooper aloft, giving him the very image of a boy in flight…

Ah, the wonders of digital photography…

Ok, so it’s no secret around here that since Cooper George made his first appearance this blog has become a chore shuffled far down on the To Do list.  Seriously.  Laundry, dishes, housework, not to mention walking the dog, playing with Kenny (without a baby on my lap) and stringing together an at least slightly coherent sentence to Casey tend to take precedence.  Then there was the move to Atlanta.  The move back.  Trips to California and Florida. Thanksgiving cooking.  Christmas decorating, shopping, partying and entertaining.  I’ve been lucky to write a few times a month, much less the near-daily posts of this blog’s first two years.  What is a girl to do??

Fortunately, inspiration comes in unlikely packages.  Though I have begged off the most recent slew of requests to review products and websites, when I got a note to review Katherine Center’s next book, pre-publication, I jumped on it.  I reviewed her first book on this website last spring and absolutely loved it.  When her newest work arrived in the mail, I let it sit unopened on my dining room table for well over a week for the simple reason that I knew that once I picked it up, I would want to read it all the way through without stopping.  Last night I braved a peak inside the cover and BOOM.  Here I sit 24 hours later a richer woman.

I will write a real review for the book over the weekend, but suffice to say for now: it gave me the kick in the rear I needed to get back up and going on this blog.  The book is all about a mother drowning in motherhood and her decision to do something to get (at least a piece of) her old self back.  Ah.  Sing to me, fair authoress.

When Casey first set up this site for me, it was to be more than just a hobby-slash-place to post pictures for the grandparents.  It was to be a creative outlet and a piece of me that was all my own.  And thus, I resolve that it shall be, once again.  Not a post-laundry-dishes-dusting-child-rearing afterthought.  But something that is all my own.

Not only that, but I’ve re-hired the cartoonist who drew the picture on the banner to update our family portrait in all it’s cartoonish and circus-worthy glory.  So stay tuned for that.

And now, in light of all that is just said, I feel it necessary to write at least one item about my Mommy life….

Kenny picks his nose all. the. time.  It’s become a needle under my skin.  Veritable water-torture.  The sight.  The sound.  The slimy, squishy boogers that get wound around his fingers and up under his fingernails.  GROSS.  I’ve actually caught myself wanting to tape his nostrils shut, or at the very least putting his hand in a cast just to stop the madness.  Nothing works.  Threats, time-outs, hand slaps, begging, bribing… nothing.  So.  How do you get a three-year-old to stop picking his nose???

Some Christmas shots…

Cooper loves his new seat!

I love this one… Casey, Cooper and I have just woken up from a post-feast-couch-nap and Kenny has just finished an hour of totally un-supervised playtime with his cousins over at my parent’s house…. the mischief is as evident on his face and the sleepiness is on ours…

Merry Christmas.  Mommy is going to bed!

MommyBlog will be back posting next week!

Today Kenny asked me if I would write a letter to Santa for him.  “You write whatever I say, ok Mama?”

It’s funny… Casey and I really haven’t told him anything about Santa, but I suppose with the Christmas specials he’s seen (Rudolf, Frosty, etc) and the Christmas storybooks we’ve read, he’s picked up a pretty hearty and excited admiration for the big guy with a belly like a bowl full of jelly.  He’s asked me how Santa’s going to get into our house (we have no chimney), if he’s going to remember to stop by with presents by the time the Advent calendar say’s it’s time (I think he’d feel more secure if Santa would just leave the presents under the tree already, like the one’s from Gramma that are already sitting there), and who exactly is giving him what (as in, “Are I going to get my presents from you or Santa?”).

So here was Kenny’s letter, as dictated to me: “Dear Santa, Please bring me a marker book.  And I want a flag for my playground.  And please bring my little brother a toy.  And something for Mommy.  We already got Dadda something.  Thank you, Kenny and Mommy and Dadda and Cooper.”

Then he colored the other side and covered it with stickers, and then asked me how exactly we were going to get to the North Pole to give it to him.  I tried explaining that the USPS would take care of that one, but he wasn’t buying it. 

You gotta love that a three-year-old has no problem believing in a guy who flies through the air in a sled pulled by reindeer, but can’t fathom that an envelope and a stamp will take your letter anywhere you want it to go…

Actually, it’s gotten a little better around here.  Cooper’s ear infection has diminished, though he’s caught another cold (presumably from another friend who neglected to tell me that her kids were sick before they kissed my precious baby’s face…). 

I’ve started doing something I never saw happening, though:  I’m a champion cheerleader of breastfeeding, and I’ve started giving Cooper a bottle of formula for his last feeding of the day.  I never had a problem with nursing Kenny, but for some reason, I’ve had a rough time keeping up with Cooper.  It’s not like he’s wasting away… he’s nearly 18 pounds and only 5 and a half months!  But by bedtime, there’s just nothing left for me to give.  He’d started fussing, biting, and then finally giving up and sleeping.  But for the past seven days, I’ve tried a little formula and Viola! he has been sleeping like he used to.  He’s slept through a night a few times, and a few woken up very briefly, but for the most part, things are looking up.  I have no intention of weaning him just yet, but what a relief to know that he’ll take formula and that he does well with it!

So now what to do with all this “free time?”  (ha!  ha ha … ok, that’s a little silly)  Showering would be a great start.  Laundry.  Um, Christmas shopping??  Oh, and I’ve had this blog for two and a half years now, and for the first time I’ve nearly completely neglected it.  Do I hear a New Year’s Resolution popping up?

I really do love writing, and reading and the whole blogging hobby, but I have to admit that it seems a silly indulgence when so much else has fallen under the horse in my little world.  Man, two kids is so much different than one!

Here are some nutshell updates of my boys:

Kenny - RASCAL.  Ah, but sweeter than sweet 90% of the time, so he certainly makes amends for the violent couch jumping, Dudley riding and constant re-hanging of the Christmas tree ornaments.  On Saturday, we had a little party over here, and just as everyone was leaving, he fell out of his chair and hit the side of his face on the table.  We thought he broke his tooth, and our angel dentist came in at 9 at night to take a look.  Turns out that the force of the impact forced his gum over his tooth and that’s why it looked like half of it was gone.  Yuk.  Now he’s got a big bruised knot on the side of his face - he looks like a three-year-old Rocky Balboa.

Cooper - Rolling over, constantly jabbering (”Dadadadadadada, bada daby do dadadadad dadybada!”), learning to suck his thumb and spending his free time in the “hopper popper” seat where he’s happy until all the bouncing makes him poop!  That kid knows how to make a splash in the world.  He’s also loosing his hair - except for the long patch on top which I had to trim last week because it was always in his eyes…. it’s a nice comb-over look, and has definite mohawk-potential, if I ever decided to torture him with hair gel.

Dudley - So needing a walk.  Or a run.  Or someone to pet him for more than 30 seconds.  But he keeps going down to the water and rolling in dead fish and seaweed, so petting him requires a full sanitation routine.

(I don’t know why Dudley felt compelled to charge the camera, but isn’t this a funny shot?)

And me?  hm.  I think I’m not as pretty as I used to be.  Maybe it’s the bags under the eyes?  The slowly wrinkling skin?  The lack of exercise or lack of sleep?  I caught my reflection in the mirror the other day and said, “Wow.  I’ve finally started looking like a harried Mommy.”  Somebody send me to the spa.  Actually, forget the spa.  Somebody watch my kids and clean my house so I can get some sleep.  I really think I’d pay someone a thousand dollars if I could go spend the night alone and sleep for 12 hours.  Ah…