Home Improvements

I mentioned in the last post that we had a pipe burst while we were away on our 24 hour jaunt.   After nearly a day without water, we were anxiously awaiting the plumber (who was scheduled to arrive sometime between 8 and 5.   Why can’t I schedule my day like that??), Kenny most keenly, as he was afraid to poop and not be able to flush it down the toilet.

At 1:15, we heard Dudley dash outside and start barking like mad, so so Kenny and I jumped up, Cooper in arms, to   welcome the man who would give us the chance to wash our hands and run the overflowing dishwasher.   The man in our yard was a 6 foot 5 inch Rastafarian with dreadlocks down to his waistband, which was not sagging plumber-style, but was instead hanging down over his boxers, gasta-style.   “Yo, yo, yo, Mrs. Cook! I’m here to hook you up!   Call this dog, ’cause I ain’t going to trip with him, you know what I’m sayin’?”   Kenny stood next to  me with his mouth agape and Dudley, after an exploratory sniff, decided that this guy was chill, and slunk back into the house to resume his nap on the couch.   I led Shane (“I’m Shane, Mrs. Cook, and I’m going to take care of you and clean this mess up, do you hear what I’m saying to you?”) into the house and turned on the water.     He started listening around, to source the leak, and Kenny stage whispered, “I thought plumbers were supposed to have short hair!”   Cooper chewed thoughtfully on his finger, and I held Kenny by the collar to keep him from helping our friend with his task.  

He finally decided that the leak was behind the washing machine and proceeded to saw a hole in the wall.   Kenny was extremely excited about that move, and sat rapt as Shane dug out the wet drywall.   “Uh-oh, Mrs. Cook.   I see now where we have a very sincere problem.   Now don’t you worry, because I’m going to hook you up in just a matter of time, but you see this leak before me is going to take some sincere time and work to access.   This pipe is running right through the concrete wall here and I need to remove these cinder blocks to access the situation.   Then I can replace this here pipe and you will be all set to resume your day.”  

Can I just say that every other plumber we’ve ever had at the house speaks only two to three words at a time?

Out comes the concrete saw (Kenny was now dreaming of becoming a plumber, if only for this display of gleeful demolition), and before our eyes a foot square hole materialized in our wall.   It’s cold outside.   Three hours later, the “situation is accessed”, and the leak is fixed and the water is back on.   Shane was so eloquent with his goodbyes and fair wishes that I almost thought for a second that if I hadn’t been holding Cooper and combing smashed pees out of my hair, he would have called me “baby.”