MommyBlog

November 12, 2005…

 November 12, 2006…

November 12, 2007…

As I wrote last week, Casey and I took off for Mexico for a conference for an organization we are involved in, leaving Kenny for the first time for more than one night.   All in all, it went great.   But we’re still “recovering.”

Actually, Casey and I got back on Sunday night, and turned around Monday morning and drove to New York City (with Kenny) as Casey had some meetings and a nice hotel room.   Kenny and I tagged along and spent a day and a half strolling up and down 5th Avenue, going to the Central Park Zoo (it was 45 degrees and raining, but that didn’t faze Kenny’s first glimpse of a real monkey!), running around FAO Schwartz (we actually stood in line and were the first customers in for the day… the entire sales staff lines up at the front door and gives a whooping round of applause to the first ones to stream in each day – that went over like a parade for Kenny, who thought it was all for him!), and exploring the M&M factory store (Kenny calls M&Ms “potty treats” and thought that he must be in heaven, because I let him eat an entire handful without producing anything in the potty first…).   We even shared a king-sized bed, Kenny in the middle, as he’s too big for a crib, and we weren’t sure about cramming a roll-away in a New York hotel room.

But though we’ve been back on our “normal schedule” since yesterday, there is still quite a bit of “re-programming” to be done.   I was warned by nearly all of my mommy-friends that when you leave your kids for any length of time, you have to accept that there is a new sheriff in town for the span you are gone.   And that the re-institution of The Boss (that is, The Mommy) is an occasionally painful process.

For one, I don’t think there was much of a schedule while we were gone.   There certainly wasn’t one in New York.   I think  there  must have also been an inordinate ratio of “yes” to “no” answers from the grandparents, too,  as he’s had more temper tantrums in the last 24 hours than he has in the last 2 months.   The concept of actually doing what I say (or not doing what I say no to) seems like such a foreign tongue to my sweet little prince that I almost called my in-laws and said, “What have you done  with the real Kenny, because this kid ain’t him.”   Today he actually uttered the dreaded “Papa let me!” and I wondered how a small boy of two could already have grasped the concept of adult manipulation.

We’ve also had an awful time getting him to go to bed – though that seems to be stemming more from insecurity and wondering if we’re going to disappear on him again.

Though I believe my in-laws when they say that everything was “perfect” I am realizing that the mind of a two-year-old runs deep, and he was probably unable to fully express what he may have been feeling or wondering or worried about.   I know that he’s still learning to express his feelings.   In fact, when they left Monday morning, within an hour, Kenny broke down bawling in the middle of playing.   After a little questioning, I asked, “Do you miss Papa and Gramma?” and he wailed, “Don’t say that, Mama!” which I took for a yes.   He did the same thing a little later in the car on the way to the city.   Then last night, as Casey and I picked up the babysitter for our weekly tennis night (which we’ve missed two weeks in a row) he started to wail again and cried, “Where you goin’?   You stay here!!” something he’s never done before.   When we got home two hours later, he was up in bed, waiting for our return.

Today was better; he actually got a good nap and we spent the entire day playing and doing quiet things.   I also got him back on his healthy eating track – lots of good fruits and whole grains and no sweets (ok – there were four M&Ms somewhere in there), diluted juice, fresh milk and organic yogurt.   I believe 100% that a kid’s diet can make or break their daily behavior.   Between being with the grandparents for four days, then being on the road and in hotels for three, his indigestion was starting to show.   He also had my undivided attention for most of the day – I am so completely worn out from the travel and such that I put off housework and catch-up work today and just laid low.   It was a rainy day and perfect for reading books, playing blocks and making pumpkin muffins.

Another strange side effect of the trip away is that since being away from Kenny for four days, I have a slightly expanded view of him now.   I’ve read that for the first year or so of life, a baby doesn’t see themselves as a separate person – they see themselves as an extension of their mother (or whomever is the primary caregiver).   But I think I’ve also been viewing Kenny all this time as an extension of me.   We are almost never apart.   I think there are maybe six hours a week (not counting sleep time) when we are away from each other, and it never occurred to me to view him as entirely his own person.   We we returned from Mexico, his voice sounded different, he looked different and his constant babble was different.   Not really, but I was able to see it as simply his, not just absorb it as part of my daily dwelling.

So my conclusion is that an occasional trip for just Casey and I once or twice a year is mostly a good thing – for us as well as him.   But it sure is strange the first time.

I Love You More, by Laura Duksta, illustrations by Karen Keesler, Published by Sourcebooks, 2007

When I was offered the chance to review an advance copy of this book, I was intrigued… a mother and her little boy in a  “… picture book that generates the conversation about Love.”     Little did I know that this would quickly become a book that Kenny wanted to read over and over and over again.

With brightly colored, simple illustrations, and a lilting rhyme, I Love You More follows the ways a mother and her son express their love for each other through the pieces of their world.   “I love you longer than the longest lollipop ever lasted” says the little boy, and “I love you louder than the loudest rocket ship ever blasted.”  

The book begins with the mother’s story, then flips upside down in the middle for the little boy to have his turn.   What kid doesn’t love that!   In fact, the book technically “never ends” (just like love, right?) and that may be Kenny’s favorite part of it.   But I think that it’s the fact that he actually understands all of the examples through the book that appeals the most.   “I love you higher than the highest bird ever flew; I love you taller than the tallest tree ever grew…”

The large print text and repetitive format have also gotten Kenny, for the first time, to point to specific words on the page and say things like, “That says more!   That says love!”

It’s a tender little book, and one that I think would be a great gift for any child, but most especially for a mom with a little boy.   It will make you heart melt.

Casey and I are preparing for our first major trip without Kenny.   We will be gone for four full days.   I am sick in my stomach just thinking about it.   Though I know that I will be fine and he will be fine, I feel as if I am scheduling an elective amputation of my right arm.  

Kenny and I are together all the time.   I can’t even imagine four days without his little face, his little voice and his endless questions and laughter.   I know, I know… this had to happen sooner or later, and he’s two!   But it doens’t stop the anxiety.

We’re going to take the advice we got from Milaka and have a little something for him to open every day that we’re gone.   I’m also going to tape up four pages on his wall with pictures of the days, so he can count the time until we’re back.

He’s going to be FINE, I know.   It’s me I’m worried about!!

Kenny has had an imaginary friend for some time named Hector.   Hector is a little monkey (not dissimilar to Curious George) who is always around and looking for a good time.   We tell Hector stories at bedtime, we pretend Hector is going to the potty with us, taking baths with us, and baking cakes with us.   So for Halloween, we got Kenny a monkey costume,  and of course we had no problems getting him into  his  “Hector clothes”  for our Church’s annual “Trunk or Treat” bash.

I’m not sure if it was totally clear that he was a monkey (I heard some folks say, “Look at that little mouse!”) but Kenny had a blast looking at all of the “funny guys” as he called them, and trying to recognize his friends in their get-ups.   We took Dudley, too, and he was a champ, letting scores of kids pet him and crowd around him.   We couldn’t get a costume for him in time, but he was a hit all the same.  

Kenny  had a little confusion over the candy thing, too… as people handed him candy, he assumed that it was time to dig in right then, so we curtailed the treating at about four trunks.   Two lollipops and a box of junior mints later, he was getting the jitters, so we packed into the car and headed home in the dark, stopping on the way for some Chinese food…

At bedtime, when he asked for a Hector Story, we re-lived the “party” for him, talking about all the friends and funny guys we saw, and all the candy we ate, and how much fun we had.   After kisses, I was walking out when Kenny suddenly piped up, “Mommy…. where’s God?”   Several of his story books have characters talking to God, or stories about God, and he’s asked where He is several times, so I sat back down and  tried  to explain it a  little more clearly;  that God is everywhere… “He’s at our house, at Grammie’s house, at Aunt Kim’s house, at church… anywhere we are, God is there with us.   And we can talk to Him anytime.   All we have to do is say, ‘Dear God…’ and tell Him whatever we want to say.”   He was quiet, and I said, “Do you want to talk to God right now?” and he said, “Dear God!… You say it, Mommy.”   So I said, “Dear God: Thank you for our wonderful day.   Thank you for our party tonight and all of our friends and the funny guys we saw…”   and he jumped in, “And tank you for Mister Hank and for potty treats.   Amen.”

“Mister Hank” is a friend of ours from church and our small group whom Kenny just loves, and the trunk next to his at the Trunk or Treat  was handing out M&Ms… (which we call “potty treats” in our house, because that’s the only time he gets to eat them).   Amen, little guy.

Just as Kenny and I were beginning to contemplate life outside of diapers, we took an exploratory trip to the local department store to buy some “big-boy undies” in hopes of motivating him to use the potty more consistantly. Though we bought several packs, I was hugely disappointed at the fabric quality and the super-itchy tags in the back. No sooner had I tucked these away and grudgingly bought another package of Huggies, I got an email from Hanes asking if we would consider trying out their new kids’ line.

Just in the nick of time. The Hanes kids’ products are everything I wanted: soft, durable, easy to care for and comfortable. In fact, Hanes has launched a new section of their website devoted to all things Kids. They cover infants through preteens with their signature soft cottons and washing machine-resistant colors. The styles are “hip” and the variety sure to please even the pickiest 11 year old tween.

The athletic socks they sent Kenny were his favorite… thick and cozy, and just right for running around the house in the fall. The kids’ sweats are really nice,too; they are a shade lighter weight than your typical sweats and very comfortable.

The website itself is easy to navigate and conveniently organized. They have sizing charts and even a section to “design your own t-shirt.” Go check it out! (And buy something for yourself while you’re there!)

Casey and I are going to be leaving Kenny for the first time for more than 24 hours next weekend.   We are actually going to be gone four full days, and Casey’s parents are coming up to take care of our little rascal while we are soaking up the sun in Mexico, attending a Founder’s Weekend for an organization we are a part of.

Kenny has done great the previous times we’ve left him.   Twice with my parents and once with Casey’s (actually once with my sister, too, but we had just left before he woke up and were home by nap-time).   They all claimed he barely noticed we were gone.   But I somehow think that he’s going to catch on when we’re not there for four bedtimes in a row…

Do any of you have any advice to offer on “preparing” your toddler for a long absence?   I haven’t told him yet that we are leaving… he knows that his grandparents are coming, and he has slyly asked, “Where you gonna be?” because he knows that usually when they come in town, Mommy and Daddy have a lot of date nights.   But I was going to wait until just three days or so before we left to really tell him.   I was thinking of drawing out a big calendar of the week for him, and drawing out what he would be doing all the days until Mommy and Daddy got home.   I’ve done that before when Casey has traveled for several nights in a row, to show all that we’re going to do “before Daddy gets home.”

Any other ideas?   Do’s and Don’t’s?   Should I leave a mile-long list for the in-laws, or just relax and trust that all will be well?   Should I call while we’re away, or would that be harder on him?   Advice, please!!

Kenny is a prettyverbal kid.   In addition to talking in endless paragraphs and questions, he has memorized several of his books and the songs on his favorite CDs.   One of the things I am most proud of is that he can recite The Lord’s Prayer along with us at bedtime.   He doesn’t get every single word, but he’s awfully close and it warms my heart to hear him say it along with Casey and I.

But tonight, he got a case of the giggles and quite purposefully shouted, “Forgive us our Dodos, as we forgive the Dodos against us.”

Yeah, someone’s been sneaking out of bed to watch The Late Show…

The Other Mother, by Gwendolen Gross, published by Shaye AreHeart Books, 2007

I have to admit when I first read the tag-line on The Other Mother, by Gwendolen Gross,   I almost let the novel pass me by: “A gripping story that takes both sides of the Mommy Wars.”   This novel happened to arrive the week I temporarily lost my sanity and posted my opinion on Moms who put their kids in day care and call it school.   Weary from the loads of both hate mail and “you go girl” mail, I thought that reviewing a book on the so-called “Mommy Wars” was the last thing that me and MommyBlog needed.   I am so glad that I dug in instead.

I stayed up late and read this truly compelling novel in two nights flat.   The Other Mother tells the tale of two neighbors: Tess, a stay-at-home mom of three, and Amanda, a pregnant working woman who intends to return to her career after her maternity leave.   Within months of living next door to each other, an unexpected event has Amanda and her husband, along with their infant daughter, moving into Tess’ house.   As Amanda’s maternity leave ends with no nanny or day care yet selected, Tess offers to become a temporary nanny until a permanent solution arises.

The absolute uniqueness of this book lies in the fact that Gross so deftly tells both sides of the story, with characters so rich and real they could be you and me, it becomes nearly impossible not to root for both characters.   The tension she invokes that lies not only between the two women, but within themselves, is absorbing; in this novel, both are right, and  both are  passionately committed to their separate ideas of what being a mother means.

My favorite aspect of the novel were the descriptions of the love and frustrations each woman experienced with her children.   The scenes where Amanda is nursing in those early weeks of “the thick trall of milky exhaustion” made me believe that it was just yesterday that I’d brought Kenny home from the hospital, nursing around the clock, and swamped with love as he tugged at my breasts.   And the moments when Tess tries to reason with her two-year-old daughter, all the while knowing that there is no reasoning with a two-year-old, made me cackle at my own occasionally inane attempts to reason with Kenny on an adult level.   Gross’ writing is raw in depicting the heart of a mother, and the struggle that we, as women, have with our own identity.

I believe that all mothers have a nagging fear that we are doing it wrong, or at the very least, not doing it right sometimes.   The Other Mother captures all of those insecurities and whirls them around in the blender, challenging you to see the other side of the story.   There were moments of reading where I found knots in my stomach, and moments where I thought, “Ok – I think I must be doing the Mommy thing OK.”  

I think this is an excellent book for any mom to read – whether your children are infants, toddlers or teenagers; whether you work at home, away from home or find that your home is your work.   I promise that you will not only see other moms differently, but that you might see yourself a little differently, too.

Please visit Gwendolen Gross’ website: www.gwendolengross.com, for details on where to buy the book, and to read other reviews.   She also hosts an online writers workshop for moms who want to write, which I am still getting the nerve up to jump into.   Happy Reading!

Today is the due date for the baby that we lost in March.   I have carried around a lump in my throat since waking and I feel like there is a brick sitting on my chest.   It’s not that I haven’t grieved in one way or another since that day we lost him, but there’s a more real sense of loss knowing that today is the day I would have met this new little one.

Casey had a piece of jewelry made for me… it is three pendants: the middle is yellow gold with an emerald cut diamond and the two on each side is white gold with princess diamonds… He designed it from Isaiah 49:18 which says, “…all your sons gather and come to you… you will wear them all as ornaments.”   The center pendant is for this baby, due today, and the two on each side for the twins that we lost in July.   It is the most beautiful necklace I’ve ever seen, though wrapped in it’s beauty is the sadness I carry, knowing that I will never hold those children on this earth.  

I don’t have much else to say.   Kenny and I have kept busy today sitting in the backyard blowing bubbles and wading on the sandy beach in our backyard below our bulkhead, thanks to an extra-low tide and an 80 degree day.     I’ve let mind-numbing housework devour the quiet of his naptime.   And I look forward with hope to another little one some day…