The Other Side of the Story

There is something that I’ve been aching to write about for weeks now, but something has been holding me back.   Protocol?   Tradition?   Appropriateness?   Superstition?   Well, I need to throw all that out the window, if only for the sake of my sanity; because I need to write about this.

So here’s the really AWESOME, FABULOUS news…

I’m pregnant!!!!!

And here’s the other side of the story.   I’ve been in a state of what the doctors call a “threatened miscarriage” for the last six days.   So please stop reading if you don’t want the details.   This isn’t going to be the normal humorous, heartwarming post I usually strive to write.

I started bleeding on Friday night.   It was not much, but bright red and some mild cramping soon followed.   The OB I was able to contact after-hours said, “It sounds like you’re having a miscarriage.   You can go to the ER if you want, but they can’t really do anything for you.   I’d stay home and rest.”   So Saturday dawned with much less blood, and as the day went on, I was more and more optimistic.   Until Kenny’s dinner time when the pain came on so bad, I called the doctor again, who this time was a little more in favor of going to the emergency room.   So Casey and I put Kenny to bed, and with my parents (who were visiting) there to stay with Kenny, we drove the four miles to our brand new Scottsdale hospital.

In the seven hours we were there, I had six viles of blood drawn, an IV inserted, a pelvic exam, a half hour of ultrasounds (which included a cathater to inflate my bladder so that they had a “better view”   Yeah, that was fun) where they saw that not only was the baby there with a strong heartbeat, but that everything else looked normal too!, another consult with the doctor on call, and then an hour and a half wait for the Rhogam shot to arrive (since I am Rh negative) and to be administered by the right person in the right cheek of my arse.   So we arrived home after midnight, exhausted and hopeful.

Sunday was uneventful: the bleeding continued, but at a slightly slower rate.   It got worse again in the evening, but wasn’t as bad as it had been Saturday night.   Monday morning, Casey and I drove to the OB’s office just as they opened, to deliver my file from the ER, and to schedule an appointment.   Angels that they are there, the nurse saw me right away, and did another ultrasound, again confirming that the baby was fine, and that everything else looked fine as well.   I was instructed to rest as much as possible off my feet (yeah, Kenny got a kick out of that Doctor’s order…), and was given a prescription for Progesterone – one of those things that doesn’t hurt, but won’t necessarily help.

By the time I got home and took the hormones, then  said goodbye to my folks,  then laid down, I was bleeding more heavily and barely able to keep my eyes open (a result of the progeterone).   Casey stayed home most of the day, taking care of Kenny and Dudley.   He put Kenny down for a nap just before he had to leave for a lunch meeting, and I dozed on the couch.   He picked up groceries on the way home, and again took care of Kenny and Dudley so I could rest for the remainder of the evening.   Yesterday was the worst day yet, though.  

Casey again worked from home most of the day (which didn’t include much working for him; he had his hands full with our household).   By Kenny’s dinner time, I was doubled over in bed, counting the cramps, which by then were more like contractions, and assuming the worst was already occuring.   Casey brought me dinner in bed ~  a masterpiece three-courser, with salad, homemade speghetti and then chocolate creme pie for dessert ~ and we watch mindless TV and talked in between tears and prayers.   When I fell asleep, I sort of made up in my mind that the miscarriage was underway, and made myself be at peace with that.

This morning I felt 100% better.   The bleeding was still heavy, this time with  much  more clotting, but the cramps were gone.    Casey (and Kenny!) and I went to the doctor at 3:30 for another exam and ultrasound.    Kenny  flirted shamelessly with all the nurses and receptionists, and Casey and I were  a nervous calm.   The doctor didn’t waste time with questions.   “Let’s take a look, and then we’ll talk, ok?” and there it was… .our little fighter was still there!   The heart was  pounding,  the  placenta looked healthy and there was no evidence of any polyps or tumors.   We talked about what could  be causing the bleeding, and what that could mean for us now.  

Our doctor was extremely hopeful, without being irrational.   She said  that though it’s rare,  she has seen women bleed like this, and still carry a healthy baby to term.   The trick is to stop the bleeding.    Once I had four or five days with no blood, I could resume “normal” activities… exercise, running around with Kenny, housekeeping,  etc.   But  until then, I’m supposed to stay off my feet as much as possible.   And I’m not allowed to fly… a heartbreak because Casey’s brother Dave is getting married next weekend in Florida, and I don’t think there has ever been a wedding (ok, besides mine and  Casey’s!) that was  more joyfully anticipated.  

But I’m still pregnant!!!   I have no idea when I’m due.   I never had a normal cycle, so though the calendar says October 8, the sonogram measurement says October 22.   We shall see.   For now, all I can do is take one day at a time.

So I need to be able to write about  this.   I promise not to go into the clinical details anymore.   But I need to be able to talk about how this is making me  feel, how it’s affecting my family.   How can I spend day after day not taking Dudley on his jaunty walks?   Not racing around with Kenny in the park?   Not picking him  up and holding him all day when he wants.   Not cooking up fancy dinners  for Casey and I, or rollerblading, or vacuuming, or folding laundry?   I know that I need to rest for the baby.   But I’m saddened by the toll this will take on Casey and Kenny.   My  doctor  says that once the  bleeding stops,  I’ll  no longer be high-risk, so  I have to remember that.   And Casey has proven himself to be a Man among men; he has fixed meals, cleaned the kitchen, taken care of Kenny and put his own work aside during the day as much as he can to take care of me.     God made the perfect man for me in Casey, there is no doubt.   I’m forever grateful.

Even now, though, I know that there’s no guarentee that the baby will survive the first trimester.   And even now, I’m cramping again for sitting up so long.   So I’m going to lay down, and keep praying for  the best.    I’ll update again as much as I can.

Is there anyone else out there reading this who has gone through this?   It helps to know that this can happen, and that there can still be a healthy little baby at the end of the road.