Oops, I Did it Again

Comparison is the greatest robber of joy.

I heard that quotation on the radio a few years ago, and I repeat it to myself often.   You know, in those moments when you find yourself comparing the clothes, shoes, rings, houses, whatever, with another woman.    Reminding myself of that  always pops me out of whatever momentary envy I am feeling.

But there is something that I need to confess.  

First, a little background:   When I found out I was pregnant, I was overcome with joy, surprise and elation.   You see, many years ago, I was told that I “probably” couldn’t have kids.    (A result of the fact that I’d had amenorreah for over 5 years because I was  an underweight runner. If you want to read the long story, it’s published on www.clubmom.com… I’ll insert the actual link once I figure out how!)  

In my excitement over indulging in the full pregnancy experience, I got hooked on http://www.celebrity-babies.com/  and the section devoted to pregnant celebrities.   It turns out, I had nearly the same due date as Britney Spears and Heidi Klum.   So I diligently checked the site every day for photos of those two gals, comparing belly sizes, outfits, water-retained ankles, etc… Since Kenny’s birth, I still find myself “checking in” from time to time on those two.   You understand, I mean, Kenny is practically related to them.   Somehow.

Anyway, a few months ago, I found out that not only was Brit preggo again, but so was Heidi!   I was suddenly out of the loop.   Out of the sisterhood of pregnant pals.   (Ok – this is my own little daydream here… bear with me…)   I felt like I’d been dumped.   They were going to the prom and I wasn’t.

Here’s the real scoop.   Casey and I would love to have more kids.   Like 2 or 3 more.   And we joked for the first few months of Kenny’s life about how much fun it would be to have “Irish twins.”   I’m realistic: I had a c-section and I know that it’s best to wait a year before trying to get pregnant again.   And I am still breastfeeding, so I know that the chances of getting pregnant  yet are pretty slim.   The eleven months since Kenny’s birth are already a huge blurr, and the last thing I want to do is miss a moment of this precious creature by switching focus to planing “the next one.”

But I’m kind of jealous of Britney and Heidi.   They are both expecting in the next month or two.   Their kids will be close.   They will be changing diapers in tandem.   Balancing a kid on each hip.   Nursing with one hand and serving pureed peaches with the other.

All joking aside, I know that it’s all in God’s hands.     I know that Kenny may be the only one I’ll have, and without artiface or hesitation, I can say with the purest of  hearts that I am completely content with that.   He is a miracle beyond all I could have ever hoped or imagined.   I love him more than I ever knew it was possible to love.   He is a gift from God.

But let’s just say I wouldn’t be at all amiss if I saw a couple of double lines on the old EPT test sometime soon.