Casey and Kenny and I just got back from a “Founders Weekend” for a group we have been involved with since we were dating called The Clapham Institute. My parents were both there as well, so my mom graciously took Kenny for several of the conversation sessions so that I could participate. All I can say is, my head is full.
During the long drive home, I had time to muse about the discussions we had: on “re-framing” the conversations we have about our faith so that it is coherent to the people we encounter. In other words, instead of “witnessing” to people by bashing them over the head with the four spiritual laws, we engage those people in conversations about what is relevant in their lives. We talk about the way things ought to be, the way things are, the way things can be and the way things will be. We talked about investing in people and learn what they love, so that we can in turn meet them in a conversation that gives pause to say, “Huh. I never though of it that way… ”
The whole idea of re-framing our conversations and learning a new way to engage people grips me. Though most of the applications were to the business world, I can see plenty of ways that I can put these ideas into practice in my own little sphere. Too often as a Mommy, I get trapped in the trivial and temporal conversations of “what my kid did” or what gripes I have about this or that. I know that it’s natural to talk most about whatever is at the forefront of our daily lives, but there can be a point when I say, “I want to talk about more” and I deliberately bring up a topic or ask a question to someone that has nothing to do with their identity as a mother or wife and everything to do with the real, thinking, feeling person that they are.
I started thinking about my friends these days… and what do I really know about them? I know the facts of their current lives, like the nap-habits of their kids and who hates to cook and who is having a rocky time with their marriage. But I don’t know anything about what these friends think about the wider world outside our homes and our churches, or about the dreams they have for themselves outside of raising their kids. I have no idea how, if we started really having conversations with each other instead of “chats,” we could bind together to have an impact on each others’ lives.
Sarah Zacharias Davis wrote a thoughtful book called Transparent in which she explores the question, “What if we all just told the truth about how we are feeling?” She challenges us women to get behind the mask we all wear with each other and just be real. I thought about that throughout this weekend… can I raise the bar on my relationships with people and be real about more than just the surface facts of our lives? It’s time to think…
I absolutely love this idea! We really need to open up more and share what is inside us. I am going to make an effort everyday this week!
Hi. I found your blog by chance while surfing the web. I just wanted to say how interesting I thought of your post. It seems as though there is no place in this society to really have a conversation about the matters of life. It’s either considered inappropriate or people simply do not make the time to. We never get the chance to get to know the person outside of their title in society, whether it be “Doctor”, “Mother”, or whatnot. And, often, we define ourselves by these titles and forget that there are other aspects in life that deserve recognition as well.
Absolutely! Just as God meets us where we’re at, we need to do the same with our fellow man. Showing how Christ applies to our individual lives is the best way to show another person why they too need Christ.
Great post! Being real is a fine balance. I think I have scared some people for being too open. It is very refreshing, though, to be real and be around real people.